Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I'm afraid to believe in my goal . . . HELP ME!

I began a really noble goal a few weeks ago, and I am in danger of quitting.  For my entire life, I have HATED EXERCISE!  So badly that when I watch the motivating workout scenes with fanfare trumpet music in the background on Rocky I almost want to puke.  I have been inspired by my husband, and dear friends such as Kara, to give running a try.  I figured that granny walking wasn't really exciting enough.  My husband didn't start running until he turned thirty a few years ago, and he swears that your prime for running isn't until you pass thirty anyway.  He got to where he was running over eight miles at a time.  (I was secretly envious)

The problem is, I have horrible mental associations with running.  I used to tell people in high school (when I was eighty pounds thinner) that I would only run if someone was chasing me.  However, I was forced to run a mile weekly in my PE class with the coach that we not so affectionately called "Forrest Gump".  I want to get past the pain that I'm feeling now.  By pain I mean the jarring jittering sensation that I get when I run my measely half of a mile now.  I want it to look and feel effortless, like the African man that runs across campus daily.  When I see him run, he looks like a graceful gazelle, and like he just really enjoys it.

Jack swears to me that it will get better.  And I almost believe him.  I am made of the same bones, sinews, and body parts as the swift African runner, why can't I do it too?  I'm shamefull of my hatred and pessimissm.  My eighty five year old grandfather is in better shape than me.  He really is, I promise.  The man walks three miles every day.  I secretly long for a leaner body that glides along the pavement like butter.  However, I just really really want to overcome my inner running demons.  Three days a week Jack serves as my coach. "Ya Bum" he calls to me as I'm out the door to the field outside.  I try to ignore my inner voice who swears that I look like jabba the hut in running shoes.  Please don't look at my butt as my feet hit the pavement!



Kara and Theo said...

Giuli, I totally know what you are going through! I used to tell people in school that it was against my religion to run and since they didn't know anything of Mormons it was easy for them to believe it, I know I'm horrible! But it wasn't until I started with a small running schedule that I felt, hey I could handle this much. Then the more I ran the easier it got and the more I was as to push myself. It wasn't until I got a running companion that was better than me to really push me out if my comfort zone and that's when I started doing races. It took me years to get where I am now, but what helped me was slow and steady. You'll get there just don't burn yourself out trying to run like a Kenyan right out of the gate, stick to the Little Engine that Could mantra and before you know it, it will feel like flying! Good luck!

Giuli said...

Does it really feel like flying after awile? Is it as good as eating a really rich piece of chocolate cake? I don't know anything about a runner's high, I've just felt a chocolate one, so I'm trying to have something to compare it to!

Deja said...

Guili, let me first formally apologize for not visiting your blog (again) sooner, when you write my favorite comments in mine. (Don't tell anyone though ...)

I have a lot to say about this. First, I just started running again. And it is HARD. So kudos for getting out there.

But I have to say this too: you don't HAVE to run. I think we're meant to move our bodies, but not all in the same way. I don't think everyone's body is made for running. I think we have to listen to our insides, which, if we listen, will say, "Hey, do such and such. It will feel so good." That might be running. It might be walking. It might be swimming or yoga or water ballet. But forcing never works for me.

Except I just lied. Because I think we're always forcing ourselves, even when we're responding to something internal. I used to have to tell myself, "Self, we're going to do yoga during our lunch break today. Don't even try to tell me your excuses about sweaty hair or a lot of work to do. I've heard them. I don't wanna hear it today." Identifying my standard excuses and preempting them usually worked.

Last thing: I hear Couch to 5k programs really work. You can find the plan online. Overdoing it will make you quit. Underdoing it won't give you enough momentum. That plan is supposed to be right in the middle.

Good luck!!